Dealing with Anger in Children
This post is in: General Upbringing
Children like anyone, will experience anger at some point. We need to understand that anger is inherent in human nature and as parents, we should understand more about the concept of anger and how to manage it in our children.
The first thing we should note is that anger is not “all evil” and that how anger is channelled is important. Anger actually has some benefits when “used” for the right reasons. For example, anger can be a useful instrument when defending oneself, religion, honour as well as the keeping the Muslim lands safe from the plots of the aggressors. When anger is used in this way, it is a commendable thing; however we should note that anger is not the same as being irrational or unjust. The type anger referred to above is not the anger we are considering today.
In more than a few verses in the Qur’an, Allah commands us to repress anger and repel evil for that which is better. For example:
And the slaves of the Most Beneficent (Allāh) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they say, “Peace”
Qur’an 25:63
And again when describing commendable acts; Allah says:
…those who in prosperity and in adversity; who repress anger; and who pardon men; verily, Allāh loves Al-Muhsinun (the gooddoers).
Qur’an 3:134
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
A man once asked The Prophet (peace be upon him) for advice. The Prophet (peace be upon him) responded, “Do not become angry and furious.” The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) said in each case, “Do not become angry and furious.”
Al-Bukhari
As parents, it is our responsibility to implement the above on ourselves as well as those under our care.
Here are some tips:
- Prevention is better than cure. The best way to manage anger is to prevent the reasons for occurrence from occurring. That is, if you know that something will make your child angry; try to distance it from them. Causes could include that you’re children has “learnt” how to have a short fuse from you. In this case, you should give the children a good example by being forbearing and patient. This advice is general and should not misinterpreted for that parents giving in to their children’s tantrums.
- When angry, change the position or situation the child is in.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down.” Musnad Ahmad
- Encourage the child to make wudhoo and tell them you will continue the discuss etc once they have made wudhoo.The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “When one of you gets angry, let him make ablution with water as anger arises out of fire.”
- Emphasis the virtues of patience. Teach them that strength is about being about to control anger. As children, inshaAllah they will be encouraged by this and want to be seen as “strong”.
The Prophet (peace be upon him said): “The strong is not the one who over comes the people by his strength” “But the strong is the one who controls him while in anger.” (Bukhari)
- Encourage the child to “relax” and not talk until the anger has subsided.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” (Imaam Ahmad)
- Seek refuge in Allah from Satan as well as encouraging your child to do the same.
- Teach your children about Allahs will and about Qadr. Teeach them that whatever happens it is because Allah Most High has allowed it to happen and they will be rewarded for being patient.
Teaching your children from an early age how to view and manage anger will given them many advantages for their future and inshaAllah, their personality will be one of pleasantness and sanity, their ethics will be high and they will be free from psychological deficiencies.
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