• Jul
  • 07
  • 2008

Notice the good things your child does

An easy way to build up a child’s confidence is to compliment them when they do something good. You should try and provide this positive feedback as much possible and it should be specific. In most cases, we don’t forget to express our anger and disappointment when a child does something wrong, however we should remember to focus on providing praise and encouragement when a child does something good.

We should keep in mind that The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said that, He who does not thank people does not thank Allah. (Ahmad, Tirmidhi)

Most children want to receive praise. If they know you will praise their good behavior, then they are more likely to follow the boundaries set for them.

Example – Your young daughter falls, hurts her knee, and begins crying. Your son seeing this goes over to his little sister, helps her get back up, and comforts her. Having observed all this take place you go up to your son right away and say something like,

“I saw you help you sister get up after she fell and then tried to make her feel better. That was really nice of you to do. I feel good to have a son who loves his sister so much.”

Also say to your son,

“Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala will be very pleased with you for helping your sister.”

Things to remember…

  1. Give the praise as soon as possible after the good deed.
  2. Say specifically what the good deed was.
  3. Give the praise sincerely and in a loving manner.
  4. Have variety in how you give praise, don’t always say the same thing.
  5. Always try to refer back to Allah to instill His love and awareness in the child’s heart

Notice how in the above example the praise given had three parts. First the mother told her son what he did was a nice thing to do, second she told him how it made her feel good, and third she took the opportunity to let him realize how much he loves his little sister.

Also remember that…

  • In most cases, good behavior is caught not taught. You must lead by example in showing good behaviors of your own.
  • Do not use bribes. Bribes are giving a child a treat in advance and hoping they will show good behavior.
  • Do not expect perfection. Your child is in a learning process and needs your help to know how to show good behaviors.

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