Talk to your children
This post is in: General Upbringing
It is important to talk and listen to your children. It teaches them maturity and develops your bond with them. You should not only talk to them when you are criticising them or when you want them to do something for you.
Good communication with children is about encouraging them to talk to you. And listening so they can tell you how they feel.
Insha Allah here is some benefits of talking as well as listening to your children from a young age
- It will build their self-esteem
- It will improve their communication skills
- Your children will feel comfortable talking about what they’ve been doing and with whom
- They will be much more likely to tell you about the details of their life once they’re older.
- It will get them used to forming relationships in the future
Some tips when communicating with your children
- Some children may need a lot of encouragement to talk so it’s important to be patient
- Be prepared to stop what you are doing and listen The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, always gave his full attention to anyone that he conversed with, even his enemies and those with whom he disagreed. When he addressed his companions, they listened intently and attached importance to everything he said.
- Respond in a sensitive way to all kinds of feelings, even about being angry or embarrassed or miserable or frightened.
- Try to read your child’s body language and actions - not just what they say
- Try not to interrupt when your child says something ridiculous or wrong or is having trouble finding the words - let them finish what they are saying and then respond.
- Use language that your children will understand - Use examples to help them understand. If we look in the Qur’an we see that there are numerous examples that aid our understanding. This is important so that the child will be able to comprehend what is said, the expectations of the parents will not go beyond the capacity of the child and lead to problems, and difficulties will not be placed upon the child unnecessarily. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said
“Speak to the people keeping in view their level of understanding. Would you like to see them think of what you tell them from Allah and His Messenger as lies?”
Bukhari
- Listening is not just about hearing words, but also trying to understand what is behind those words
- Avoid criticism and blame. If you are angry about something they have done, try and explain why you want them not to do it again and appeal to their sense of empathy.
- Let your child know you are listening and show your interest
In relationships, a believer and good parent should demonstrate honesty, kindness, patience, self-restraint, fairness, trustworthiness, etc. We should avoid teasing, blaming, belittling, mocking, excessive and idle talk, and fault-finding. There are many Qur’anic verses and ahadeeth that give detailed descriptions of this topic such as:
“Verily, Allah is with the patient.”
Qur’an 2: 153
“Speak fair to the people.”
Qur’an 2:83
“Kind words and covering of faults are better than charity followed by injury.”
Qur’an 2:263
“A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim. He does not wrong him, nor insult him nor humiliate him.”
Muslim
We should remember that these principles should be applied in conversations with children and teenagers as well as adults.
In summary, we should work to improve our style of communication and our relationships with each other. When our children feel that their parents understand them and are willing to listen to them, they will open up their hearts and trust will develop. Effective teaching and discipline cannot be implemented without a certain level of trust, understanding, and mutual respect. If you are concerned about your children in a non-Muslim environment and it is affecting the way you interact with them, the best you can do is teach and advise them, give them responsibility, trust them, and let them know that you care for them. We can then make du’a and rely upon Allah’s Grace and Assistance. This is our best weapon in a world of non-belief.
May Allah help each of us to strengthen the ties that bind us together as a family and bring happiness and contentment to our homes.